Prayer

I'm a bit - well, rather a lot - in love with a boy whose name means Prayer.

Let's talk about him for awhile, just to be self-indulgent. There is this incredible purity about him. The first time I felt my heart get pins and needles for him was when I saw just how devoted he was to Rinpoche. I've seen so many people with amazing faith and believe in Rinpoche but not like this, not this way - he showed me what it would look like to live in a way that was totally surrendered to Dharma.

This is ironic, of course, because I'm in love with someone because of his very devotion to a path that teaches non-attachment and renunciation of worldly affectations.

But affairs of the heart must be complicated, mustn't they? There would be no fun - or corresponding pain - in them, otherwise.

The complications don't end there. Of course they don't. I would pick the most complicated of the lot. He may be straight (for a change) but that doesn't mean it's simple.

You see, now they're telling me that - despite all the purity and faith and incredible devotion - he's still got this one tinnnny attachment - his girlfriend (who, by the way, I had always thought was already an ex-girlfriend). Girlfriend! What girlfriend!

This is after the whole world has been trying to matchmake us, for months. Cruel really, to make someone feel all gooey and happy and stuff, and then tell them that errr, actually, he's not really available. Tease.

The other day, in the midst of conversation about fatness and thinness in general KB said in a not-so-subtle way, "Oh yah. Prayer's girlfriend is very thin."

I felt suddenly very conspicious about my flabby arms and my need to lose 10 pounds.

Then he said, "Prayer misses his girlfriend verrrrrry much."

I blinked *blink blink* and decided then to back off. You cannot compete with an (ex) girlfriend.

I went home, talked to my newly adopted stray cat and spent all night lamenting.